‘Anatomy of Retirement’ – a Friend’s Predicament! Part 2

(Last issue: Prakash picked up a medium sized pakora from his plate, turned it around 360 degrees with his finger, evaluated it for its oil content, wrapped it in a tissue paper and squeezed the pakora a couple of times like a seasoned oil expeller. When he un-wrapped the paper I found almost a lifeless dead pakora which he promptly put in his mouth with a satisfactory nod…)

Part 2:

“You see this plush flat in this upmarket neighborhood and lo! It will be gone! Walks in the prestigious KB Park no longer possible; the chauffeur driven car at beck and call…whoosh…gone! The frequent flight trips, parties in swanky hotels and meeting high profile clients…all will slip into history. My veneered plush corner office, greetings from my secretary and 20 odd staff, lunches in executive lunch room…all will go into folds of memory!” his voice was painfully bitter.

I was in rapt attention at this unfolding of a series of harsh realities by Prakash.

“What about all those airport pick-ups in luxury sedans and accommodation in 5 star hotels? What about the social status and recognition that I used enjoy wherever I went? Nothing remains…” his anguish was understandable.

I wanted to comfort him and said “Look at this philosophically Prakash! You enjoyed all this to the extent it is ‘written’ for you. One day for anybody all this or something like this has to end! But why don’t you see a different world that awaits you which I am sure would be exciting in its own way!”

“You mean the world where I am nobody?; where I don’t have an exciting office to go?; where no one greets me while I adjust my tie in grace?; where I have to drive my car to the weekly shanty and buy vegetables and provisions?; where I have to take the trains while on travel and stay in budget hotels?; where I can’t stop but pass by, 5 star hotels and eat my weekend dinners in the colony restaurants? If so, I am positively certain that such world won’t be exciting for me!”

Prakash slumped back into the sofa and took a deep breath and continued “In fact if I look at my wardrobe of suits and ties, tears well in my eyes with the stark question coming to my mind ‘what will I do with all these? When can I put them to use?’ Things are pretty bad my friend! What will be the motivation for me to get off the bed and even have a shave? I have a suspicion that even with in the family you are not treated as before!” he was completely in despair.

I heard enough and I wanted to leave him with a few words and said “Life is a continuum Prakash; things come and go at each stage. When you were an infant you would have cried the roof off when someone pulled away the milk bottle from you. But you moved on to different things happily as you grew up. Similarly outside your retirement too, trust me; there is a big world with its countless excitements a few of which could be to your liking!”

“So learn to move on my friend! Please don’t cry like a child whose lollipop has melted! From out of emptiness things come into life and off they go into emptiness! Emptiness has a meaning and a purpose! So let not that emptiness unnerve you. You can find it full of things, if only you wish to see it differently!”

“Ponder over these thoughts my friend and I am sure they will help you negotiate a peaceful, happy and an exciting new beginning!”

I thanked them for the pakoras and left, leaving him with those stormy thoughts. I know it will blow over sooner than later.

*****

‘Anatomy of Retirement’ – a Friend’s Predicament!

Last week I went to my friend Prakash’s house on a courtesy call. His house was a posh 3 bedroom official quarters in an upmarket neighborhood in Banjara Hills. The couple warmly welcomed me and his wife treated me to a bowlful of hot crispy ‘kaaju pakoras’ along with aromatic Darjeeling tea. Despite the presence of heart-warming pakoras, I found him to be a bit off-color. 

I was concerned and asked him whether any issue was bugging him. After a pregnant pause, Prakash sighed and with drooping shoulders, slouched into the cushy sofa. His voice seemed to have choked and with a lot of effort he said “The dreaded 31^st is round the corner…and I am having sleepless nights…don’t know what to do!” 

The message was very cryptic and I couldn't think of anything calamitous looming large on the world that could make him so week-kneed! Even the Mayan Calendar doomsday passed off long ago! I don’t think even the Americans are considering any nuke attack on Iraq, nor even Israel on Gaza! Forget about the distant lands; Modiji is also strongly pitching for a friendly sub-continent. Yes. Ebola is there! But is still shores away and it definitely doesn't seem to have a rendezvous with us on the month-end.

“Prakash, I don’t get what you say. I checked out on all possible threats to mankind, but I don’t seem to get at what is getting you down so badly!”

Prakash sank further into the sofa and said with a quivering voice “End of the Days! I have nowhere to go” he almost whispered. 

“Are you talking about the Hollywood movie? What has it got to do with you? For heaven’s sake can you elaborate?” I asked him completely puzzled. 

Prakash pulled himself up a little and said “nothing of that sort! If I say I will be retiring on 31^st does that mean anything to you? It’s weighing me down completely”

“Oh! Now I got it Prakash!  You see everyone in service superannuates one day! It’s the immutable law of any land. But do you think it’s such a catastrophic event in one’s life so that it makes one sink into that sofa so uncomfortably?” I queried in a half-mocking tone.

Prakash pulled himself out of the sofa completely and said “you don’t get it all; because you never retired; but quit of your own free volition. One has to retire to understand its socioeconomic, familial and psychological hangovers!” He was visibly agitated.

This made me a little concerned about Prakash but also made me curious to know about this multi-pronged complexity. I wanted to get to the bottom of this and asked him “Point taken. Could you now explain to me the complex anatomy of this animal called ‘Retirement’?”

Prakash picked up a medium sized pakora from his plate, turned it around 360 degrees with his finger, evaluated it for its oil content, wrapped it in a tissue paper and squeezed the pakora a couple of times like a seasoned oil expeller. When he un-wrapped the paper I found almost a lifeless dead pakora which he promptly put in his mouth with a satisfactory nod. 

(To be continued)

Taking for Granted : Part 2

(In the previous post, UFO and I jumped into the Pensieve to get to the bottom of this thing called ‘taking for granted’. Now read what happened…)

 “Hope I won’t drown in this bucket!” I said quite frightfully. 

“No chance! Just to look at your hulk and calculate mathematically” the UFO remarked in a mean voice.  

“Where are we heading and when are you letting me understand the concept?” I was impatient.

“Shh… just watch around and look at what I show you” ordered the UFO. Suddenly I saw people, houses, roads, traffic, organisations… a whole civic system was in front of me!

“Now see those parents playing with their kids – the little boy just learnt the second table, and they are deciding that he shall be an engineer from one of the IITs when he grows up! The little girl just saved an ant from getting crushed and they are finding the right qualities in her to become a doctor”

“There you see that youngsters skipping classes and watching movies; no worry about exams or admission test; but expect their parents to fund their indiscretions, buy them admissions and support them financially for settling in life”

“Look at that husband taking all the major family decisions; leave alone consulting his wife, but totally forgetting her existence!”

“Here you see a wife blowing up all the money on unwarranted shopping totally unmindful of her husband’s financial position and commitments”. 

 “In the world around you, you can see these happening every minute and in every sphere!”

“People take governments for granted and governments take taxes for granted”

“Politicians take voters for granted and voters take elections for granted”

“The police take people for granted and people take the Law for granted”

 “Directors take movie-goers for granted and actors take financiers for granted”

“Employers take employees for granted and employees take elevations for granted”

“Schools take students for granted and students take curriculum for granted”

“People take heath for granted and hospitals take our wallets for granted”

“We all take Life for granted and Life takes continuity for granted!” the UFO sighed in exasperation.

“Stop …stop… enough of it… just because I asked you to explain the concept…. Please don’t take me for granted! I am fed up of this! Just take me back home” I shouted in frustration.

The UFO smirked and said “you should have had this wisdom before getting on to these tricky topics!”

“Okay! Point conceded. But be kind of enough to take me back through the bucket without of course spilling even a drop of water” I pleaded with the UFO.

“Presto! We are back in your living room!” I looked around and found it to be true and my precious bucket of water was intact and undisturbed.

“So my dear writer, I make a move! But just remember to keep a Chomp in the fridge in case if I ever chose to come back next time!”

“Of course I would!” I assured the UFO. It majestically adjusted the white cloak and whooshed out of the room.

The loud clanking sound of a vessel falling onto the kitchen floor shook me out of my slumber.

“Blistering Bajjis of the oily kind! Off with you devilish rat! It …. It… certainly takes our sleep for granted!” I shouted out in anger.

Oh!  Sorry! Let me stop. I shouldn't be taking the pages or the readers for granted!

*****

‘Taking for Granted’ - My Encounter with an Apparition!

‘Taking for Granted’

The other day a bit late in the night, I was thinking about this vague expression – ‘taking for granted’ and a few unsettling ideas clouded my thought center.  Without my knowledge, I slipped into an uneasy sleep there right on the living room couch. I had a dream and therein a white shrouded Unidentified Floating Object (UFO) came in through the walls. I asked the Object “How did you come in?” I was a little upset too and demanded “Don’t you think you should knock before you came in?”  

The UFO got offended “kaise mathlab? Bhooth hun! Didn't you watch the Cadbury's 5 star Chomp advertisement on TV,  you moron?” it said sarcastically. “I can come anytime anywhere in any manner.Got it?” 

Though slightly hurt at the snide remark, I quickly played back the advertisement mentally and not sounding moron-like, curtly said “if you have come all the way just for chomping on the Chomp; I am sorry I have none. Got it?”

The UFO was still floating around but appeared to have calmed down; “Oh! My dead fate! I take things too much for granted” it said ruefully!  

The sentence hit me like a bolt! “Taking for granted? My God! I have been thinking about it all night but still not getting head or tail of it! Could you put me in perspective?” I asked the UFO quite expectantly. 

The UFO stopped floating and while adjusting its dangling white shroud properly, said philosophically; “though I have a grudge that you didn't offer me a Chomp, since I have nothing better to do, let me enlighten you on what exactly is taking for granted”

“Taking something or someone for granted is to expect someone or something to be always available to serve in some way without thanks or recognition; to value someone or something too lightly. Taking for granted is something that we all tend to practise knowingly or unknowingly in our day to day life. It may not be an exaggeration if I say; it probably is hard coded into our DNA. Homes, relationships, offices, society, civic infrastructure, governments and Nation - nothing can be an exception to this!” the UFO defined the concept with authority".

“Could you expand the concept with a few examples?” I quizzed the UFO with my spirit of inquiry becoming quite quite palpable now. 

The UFO looked around and its head was locked in the general direction of a bucket of water kept in a corner and commanded me to hold its hand. I looked puzzled and meekly said “er... Excuse me…I don’t find any of your hands?” 

“What a bother! Hold on to the dangling end of the shroud, you imbecile!”  Cursing softly, I hurried to hold one end of the shroud. It floated across to the bucket of water. I panicked and cried in a shrill voice; “We don’t get water as and when we please. That’s the only water reserve I kept for taking care of my morning ablutions. If you have a fanciful idea of guzzling the whole bucket down your shroud, you would better float out of the window right now!”

The UFO calmed me down and said it won’t do such a catastrophic thing with anyone in this city. “Do you remember the ‘Pensieve’ which Dumbledore used whenever he wanted to show some flashback?" the UFO asked me with a tinge of doubt. “Yes. Yes. I know it very well. I saw all the 8 movies many times” I replied quite excitedly. 

The UFO smiled victoriously and said, “Okay. Now let’s get into your Pensieve”and jumped along with me into the bucketful of water.

                                                                                             

                                                              (To be continued)

'Snake in the Grass' - Commentary on Social Net-working!

‘Snake in the Grass’

Recently I attended the marriage of a cousin’s son. There I expected to meet quite a few other cousins who I had not met for some time. While some of these are in touch with me via ‘facebook’ through their ‘Likes’ on my occasional posts and exchange of birthday greetings, a few others who are not very savvy ‘social net-workers’ do make an occasional phone call.

I was excited to meet some of them; more importantly the ‘facebook’ friends and chat over many things that had happened over the past few years. Needless to mention, I was a bit ‘high’ due to their highly encouraging 'facebook' comments like “let’s meet up and have great fun buddy!”, “Sparks will fly when we meet I am sure!”, “Kahin jaana math; Rath bhar gappe marenge!” etc.

I took the day train to this coastal town and by evening I reached the place. The excitement of meeting people was palpable. The warm and firm handshakes, affectionate hugs, beaming faces and what not….my imagination was going berserk! I entered the marriage hall with bated breath and my eyes scouting the place for the ‘suspects’ like that of Detective Inspector ‘Jacques Clouseau’ of the ‘Pink Panther’ fame.

Hey! There they are! Two of my regular ‘facebook’ friends and also the authors of those electrifying and highly motivating comments! They are sitting with their families a couple of rows from the stage. I rushed towards them negotiating what looked like rush hour traffic in any Metro. I almost knocked off a plate of panneer tikkas being served by one of the service boys on the way and curtly waved off another boy trying to offer me some fruit juice. 

I reached them panting and almost half shouted “hi buddies! Here I am!” They looked at me, raised their eyebrows and said “hi”. “So you made it! I thought….I thought….. (He was focussing on picking up a piece of panneer with the help of a toothpick and finally managed to put it in his mouth) ...you may not come” said one of them savouring the tangy, spicy panneer. The other asked me “when are you going back?” with his eyes scanning the immediate environment for another round of bites. 

“We like your facebook posts buddy. Please keep writing them. We enjoy them a lot”, they almost said in unison. One of the ladies gave a courteous smile and said softly “Yes; my husband whenever he logs in to the facebook, first he looks for your postings only”. Suddenly there was this rush for greeting the newlywed couple and everyone started lining up for getting on to the stage. My cousins too got up with their families and said “let’s catch up sometime man” and rushed to take up their positions in the line.

Except the lone spark from a short-circuited decorative lamp nearby, I didn’t feel any ‘sparks flying’. On the other hand my built-up excitement suddenly fused out. Is this all about meeting friends and relatives in this era of ‘social networking’?  Sitting in a corner, I was reflecting on this rapidly evolving strange social behavior. Kudos to Mark Zuckerberg and his team for collapsing the huge geographical and time barriers through their enormously powerful ‘networking weapon’ and declaring to all “Honey we shrunk the distance!”

Yes. The physical distances between people who are separated by towns, cities and countries have disappeared. It gave us a platform to communicate freely, express and share joy besides a wide array of information. But my experience indicates that we have lost the ability to communicate and express when we meet face to face. We are now habituated to communicate with one another just seeing the profile picture. But when the picture turns into someone real in flesh and blood, words seem to fail.  We are comfortable to post ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ sitting alone in the confines of our house or office with a laptop in front or an android in hand. We probably feel secure and confident in this blind communication with others. But when we physically meet the same people, it is likely that we are not that comfortable in expressing joy or feelings. Why this strange shift in our social behavior? Any guesses?

What I feel is that (I would love to be proved wrong), we are comfortable communicating through inanimate objects like a phone or a gadget, as these objects do not expect to experience love or warmth from us in this process. They don’t complain about our lack of attention or absence of that glint of affection in the eyes while communicating. But when we meet people, they do expect all these; they read the body language, they evaluate our responses and peel our words bare, and look for honesty in them. Face to face we are probably conscious of our vulnerabilities and would love to seek refuse in dealing with people over the net.

  

May be we are fast losing all those qualities that characterised humankind for millennia, thanks to the advent of this deluge of proxy social networking! Like a ‘snake in the grass’ Phones, tablets and laptops are slowly but steadily replacing human companionship even without us being aware of it!

It is not very far when, within the four walls of a house, a family would communicate with one another through these gadgets and networking sites even for calling or talking to one another for routine household activities!

*****

‘Idiosyncrasies’– the fun and pain of them!

Idiosyncrasy is an eccentricity or a peculiarity that one has and often times it even characterises him. You and I and for that matter all of us, may have idiosyncrasies unknown to us but they may be quite apparent to others including our family members. These vary from person to person in degree and or in kind; some could be briefly amusing while a few could be quite irritating to others. As a part of social coexistence we all tend to live with the idiosyncrasies of one another.  I would like to present before you a few of these that I happened to experience over the years. Superfluous to say, you need to check with people near to me to get a feel my own foibles.

An uncle of mine used to have this peculiarity of irrational cleanliness. He used to tail the domestic helps who were filling the vessels with drinking water to see if they are scratching their head or other less acceptable parts; picking their nose or touching any dirty or dusty objects including their own clothes en-route. It was customary for the maid filling drinking water from the municipal tap to stand with her thoroughly washed hands two feet away from her body in the air as if she was blessing the earthen pots around. Once out of curiosity I asked her why she stood in such an awkward posture, she replied philosophically that uncle directed her to stand that way so that she would not touch anything including her clothes. No wonder despite my uncle’s generous offer of a new saree as bonus for any maid completing one year of uninterrupted service, I heard no one could ever claim that!

My friend’s grandfather had a peculiarity of smelling every food item served to him keeping it as close as possible to his nose to detect if it was fresh or stale. He used to eat only those items that passed this ‘nasal test’.

A cousin of mine has this habit of picking up the eating plate from the fully set dining table, take it to the kitchen tap and rinse it vigorously in the running water. When I asked why this strange thing, his wife told me he doesn’t trust anybody on this and told me conspiratorially that when he tried to do this in a five start hotel where they all went for a buffet, the manger objected to it. When she sprinkled coriander leaves on a dish, he was quick to ask her “have you washed the leaves properly?” She got a little wild and replied “Why on earth do you think I don’t wash the leaves before using them in food?”

I have a friend who always believes that the others do not have the capability of comprehension. Whatever he tells he would repeat it twice or thrice and tries to take confirmation from others that they have understood it fully. He would invariably start off by saying something like this; “listen…listen…listen…”The matter doesn’t end there; he even believes that they do not have the capability to execute things. So he finally ends up doing everything himself.

I know of this lady who used to walk up and down the house even while talking to guests and pick up even a small speck of paper from the floor. Her attention was always on the floor trying to find out the next bit of paper.

There is an aunt of mine who has this strange way of agreeing with what people told her. For an untrained ear it sounds like complete disagreement but if one were patient enough, one would realise that she was in agreement with what you say!  She would hear you out and would retort “that’s not the thing!” and starts repeating the same statement as if it was her statement. For instance if you ask her “Isn’t the sky blue?” she quickly retorts “That’s not the thing” and continues “the sky is always blue”

I am not sure whether you have observed while working in offices, that some bosses have this madness about language correction. They take satanical delight in mauling the drafts of letters or notes sent for correction. Once a friend of mine had this kind of a boss who used to brutally strike down all sentences in a draft note put up for approval with red ink and write down margin comments covering every bit of space on the paper.  My friend got frustrated one day and sent a note with just the salutation and the subject leaving the entire page blank with signature at the end. The boss was furious and demanded what was the meaning of this joke to which my friend replied “anyway you would strike down everything and rewrite, so better why not you draft it yourself upfront? It would save us time and frustration”. It seems the face of the boss turned cherry red putting the red ink bottle on his table to shame!

An uncle of mine called me over to a temple near his house for discussing something urgent. When I rushed there I found him sitting in the ‘Mantap’ near a corner and he looked quite upset over something. There was a sprinkling of people sitting all over and silently praying. I greeted him, sat down and asked him what the matter was.  Suddenly he began “I raised you with love and gave you what not? “ “Is this what you do to me?”  I was perplexed and looked around in horror. The devotees opened their eyes and were getting curious. “What sin have we done that you are putting us to so much of pain?”  By now the devotees got to the conclusion that this must be a case of helpless parents and a heartless son and started gathering around us. I got to my feet and told them to stay cool as it has got nothing to do with me. My uncle recovered and said “Nothing to worry! He is my nephew and I was expressing my feelings to him about my son who works in Mumbai and who promised to visit us on Diwali but cancelled his trip now due to office work”.  Guys! just to clarify; my uncle has this peculiar but annoying habit of imagining his wrongdoer in the person opposite him and expressing his feelings in full blast. He generally doesn’t mind or care about his surroundings or the plight of the person in front.

I am sure we all experience these foibles in people around us in our daily life. These could amuse us when we are not at the receiving end, but could put us in a spot when we have to swallow them. Let us realise our own eccentricities and try to mitigate if not eradicate them as these could make us a butt of ridicule at home or office or the subject of a silly blog!

The 'PO-MATO' Riddle

“Breaking News! Reports that are just coming in indicate that a few unidentified persons have raided a wholesale vegetable vendor’s warehouse in the outskirts and have made good their escape with the loot. While talking to our cameraman, the visibly shaken owner of the warehouse has disclosed that after a week of hard negotiations and spending a fortune, he could manage to procure a bag each of potatoes and onions but just a basket of tomatoes.”

“Though he arranged for careful custody of the same, the robbers got hint or scent of it and managed to decamp with the treasure trove. “I am ruined” laments the owner”.

The TV correspondent was continuing in her agitated voice… “We have plenty of reports coming in all across the city that, unidentified bike riding persons have been snatching tomatoes, potatoes and onions from the hands of housewives returning from shopping. The city police spokesperson in a separate interview to our correspondent admitted to the increasing incidents of ‘tomato-snatching’ across the city but was happy to declare a drastic reduction in the ‘chain-snatching’ incidents. Asked as to how he would handle this new but rapidly growing menace, the policeman assured that talks are on with the Center and a solution is expected very soon”.

“How do you get sleep at such odd hours that too while watching TV?  A sharp voice and a gentle nudge – both from my wife, woke me up from the morning slumber. I looked around in confusion; the TV was on and in the breakfast news, reports about train and plane accidents were scrolling across the TV. So the tomato and potato incidents were unreal? Thank God I was dreaming!

“Bhaskar’s family is coming for lunch and we need to organise stuff quickly. Now will you get ready and buy a few urgent things for me?” said my wife in a tone of urgency.

“Oh! Nice. Please list out the stuff while I get ready” I hurried inside.

***

When I entered the colony stores, I noticed a change in the arrangement. The vegetable and fruit shelves which used to be in the front near the door were not to be seen. I asked the attendant what happened to the vegetables and whether they had stopped selling them. “No sir, they have been moved to a special counter at the end of the stores”. 

I moved across the store and found a place cordoned off with ropes and an attendant was standing near the access point. There I found wooden crates arranged like steps. On the top step I found a basket wrapped in golden foil in which I found the fleshy, and fiery red tomatoes. On the second and the third rows I found potatoes and onions respectively, resting snugly in their silver colored baskets. Apples, pears, pomegranates, etc. found their places on the lower rungs.

I fished out the list given by my wife and it showed three items…tomatoes, potatoes and onions. I checked with the attendant prices of all the three. She looked at me tentatively and said “Rs.10, 8 and 5”. I was foxed. Do they sell that cheap here? I was jubilant and I called my wife and whispered to her. “Look; they are selling things dirt cheap here. All those newspaper reports about price spiral are bunkum. You know?  Tomatoes are Rs.10 per Kg, potatoes Rs.8 and onions Rs.5”. My wife did not seem to believe and wanted me to check if there is a catch in that. I dismissed her apprehensions and jubilantly asked the attendant to pack a kilo of each of them. There was sudden silence and everyone around stopped dead in their tracks and were looking at me in utter bewilderment. The attendant recovered quickly and checked with me “Are you sure?” “Hey! What’s wrong with it?” I was upset. The others still seem to believe that there was some major misunderstanding and were waiting with bated breath. “No problem sir; but that would come to Rs.200 or so” the attendant supplemented. “What on earth?” I shouted angrily. “It should work out to just Rs.23 isn't it?”  The attendant smirked and said “Sorry sir; the prices quoted are for a single piece and not per Kg”

The embarrassment hit me like a bolt. My face turned pale. Suddenly there appeared to be a great relief all around and the people released their breath and went about their shopping smiling at this oft witnessed embarrassment near the ‘Po-Mato’ (potato- tomato) counters. I verified the resources in my wallet and in a voice that was not audible even to me, asked the attendant to pack 2, 3 and 4 – I mean pieces each.  She picked up the stuff and kept them in my hand saying they don’t give carry bags for such small orders.

I looked at the 2 tomatoes in my hand and a thin film of moisture enveloped my eyes. Let one of these be for salad; we make four slices; one for Bhaskar and the rest for the other three. What about the other? May be it can go in Dal, Chutney or even Sambar. Oh! Just forget it!

My head was reeling. We know about onions… but have you ever heard of tomatoes bringing tears to your eyes? Don’t believe? It happened with me. May be a million eyes would be shedding tears right now trying to live with this ‘PO-MATO Riddle’. Onions in the past had tumbled governments. What about tomatoes and potatoes? You think these two …..”Oh save my Soul…Mercy!” I cried in panic as one tomato and two potatoes slipped out of my hand, tumbled down the steps of the store, on to the street and in to eternity.